Tragedy and Surprising Warmth

On the morning of Tuesday the 27th, one of the students of Janggok High School took his own life by jumping out of his apartment window. We are still unsure of the cause, but it is believed he had troubles at home which stemmed from his parent's divorce. His gruesome suicide was surprising to us all because, though he was a shy, quiet boy, he was always smiling at school and carried himself with pleasant ease. We suspected nothing, but I think that if we had paid a little more attention we might have glimpsed the tip of his deep melancholy. That is what has been bothering me the most.

He was one of my students. I should have looked better at him. I of all people know what it's like to be passed over by everyone, especially teachers because of my own quiet nature. But how could I? I have 40 students per class, and 23 classes a week. That's nearly 1,000 students!! I don't even know what he looks like. If I saw a picture of him I would know him instantly. I remember faces far better than names.

For most of the week I was worried that it was another student of mine that I have bonded with a bit that had died. But I saw that student today in the stairwell, alive and well, and as he gave me a smiling hello I was filled with relief. But I worry...I still don't know the dead student's face. I don't know who he was. I only know that he was mine. Knowing that, and the fact that he was so desperate at such a young age, is enough to make me mourn him. He was only 15 years old.

Though suicide is alarmingly common in Korea, this was the first such death at Janggok High. Let's hope it is the first and last of its kind.

And yet there is happiness here. I am reminded every day how much I love the kids here and how much most of them seem to love me, especially the girls and the younger boys. Several students have gone out of their way to see me between classes, or scream at me excitedly in the hallways. Groups often endured the cold to sit with me outside after lunch, and in our little town they call out and talk to me on the streets.

There is indeed much happiness and I find myself happier than I have been in years.